You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.