The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was no one on the other line. Once she said "God Bless you," I said, "I didn't sneeze" She looked deep into my eyes and said, "You will, eventually." And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed.

-- Ellen DeGeneres
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Author: The Idiot Apr 16, 2008
Views: 6841

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

-- Albert Einstein
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Author: The Idiot Apr 16, 2008
Views: 1897

I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.

-- Richard Diran
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Author: The Idiot Apr 16, 2008
Views: 1392

It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.

-- Isaac Asimov
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Author: The Idiot Apr 16, 2008
Views: 1254

I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

-- Mitch Hedberg
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Author: The Idiot Apr 16, 2008
Views: 1345

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)

-- Ambrose Bierce
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Author: The Idiot Apr 16, 2008
Views: 1434