I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser.

Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other.

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.

If the NBA were on channel 5 and a bunch of frogs making love was on channel 4, I'd watch the frogs even if they were coming in fuzzy.