Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones.

I've always found paranoia to be a perfectly defensible position.