Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

Christmas is the one time of year when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.

The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.

There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.