Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.

You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men.

Say this much for big league baseball - it is beyond question the greatest conversation piece ever invented in America.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.