If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.