A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.

I know nothing about sex because I was always married.

Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.