Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.