No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.

I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.