No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

First you're an unknown, then you write one book and you move up to obscurity.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.