Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals.

Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself.

It is easier to understand than to be understood.