I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I know nothing about sex because I was always married.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

If I can't get the girl, at least give me more money.

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.