Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.

In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me.

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.

Say this much for big league baseball - it is beyond question the greatest conversation piece ever invented in America.