In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me.

The 'Net is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about it.

Say this much for big league baseball - it is beyond question the greatest conversation piece ever invented in America.