I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.

Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals.

Women should be obscene and not heard.