You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.

In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.