In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.