In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.