In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.