Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he'll eat for weeks!

The worst thing about Europe is that you can't go out in the middle of the night and get a Slurpee.

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

When Solomon said there was a time and a place for everything he had not encountered the problem of parking his automobile.

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.