Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.