Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.

It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals.

I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.