I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

-- Richard Lewis
Laughs
5179
I Laughed
Author: The Idiot Aug 13, 2007
Views: 2493

Skiing consists of wearing $3,000 worth of clothes and equipment and driving 200 miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and drink.

-- PJ O'Rourke
Laughs
5226
I Laughed
Author: The Idiot Aug 13, 2007
Views: 2216

In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.

-- Paul Harvey
Laughs
7093
I Laughed
Author: The Idiot Aug 12, 2007
Views: 5487

I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

-- Robert McCloskey
Laughs
5270
I Laughed
Author: The Idiot Aug 12, 2007
Views: 1860

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

-- Miss Piggy
Laughs
5239
I Laughed
Author: The Idiot Aug 12, 2007
Views: 2415

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

-- Mitch Hedberg
Laughs
5225
I Laughed
Author: The Idiot Aug 10, 2007
Views: 2205