Would those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.

Anybody caught selling macramé in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.

Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew's Passion' on a ukulele.

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.