I know nothing about sex because I was always married.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.