To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?'/ Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.

Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.