The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists in the circulation of their blood.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

That's what college is for - getting as many bad decisions as possible out of the way before you're forced into the real world. I keep a checklist of 'em on the wall in my room.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.