The Shofar Clock

A student kept bugging his friend, "What time is it?" Finally, his friend complained, "Why don't you get a watch like the rest of us."

"Why do I need a watch? There is always someone around to ask."

But what can you do in the middle of the night, when you are alone and need to know what time it is?

"That's easy - I blow my shofar." (A Shofar is a Ram’s horn, which is blown on Rosh Hashana and at the end of Yom Kippur – and sounds like a wailing voice)

"You what?"

"I blow my shofar. Whenever I wake up and need to know what time it is, I open the window and blow my shofar very loudly.. And literally within a few seconds, I hear someone yell ' Are you crazy? It's 2:45 in the morning!"

Yom Kippur Night

It was Yom Kippur evening. In the old Jewish neighborhood, everyone was heading to services. And on his way to synagogue, the Rabbi notices one of his neighbors - an old timer - sitting on a park bench.

"Sam. Aren't you going to services?"

"Not this year, Rabbi."

"Why not Sam? Don't you think you should ask God for another year of good health?"

"Rabbi. I'm ninety-three years old. Most of my friends are gone. And I have a hunch. I think that in heaven they've forgotten about me. And the last thing I want to do... is remind them!"