It's Not Contagious, I Swear

by Older And Wiser With Kids

This is for anyone that has ever started a new job and had teenage children at the same time.

My first day on my new job I find out that the reason there was a job opening for me was that the departmental “favorite” had been demoted and I was given her job. Needless to say, I was no one’s best friend. Each day I would come into work, no one would speak to me unless absolutely necessary and I watched the poor unfortunate soul weep. I was the office leper.

At the same time I also had a daughter that had just turned 18 and was finishing her last year in high school. Anyone who has lived through teenage girls knows, they know everything and live to educate their parents.

My daughter had complained of a back ache for several days so I made her an appointment with the family doctor. Now the child is old enough to remind us several times a day that she is an adult, but when it comes to getting to the doctor, she needs someone to go with her!

Since there was no way I would be granted time off, it was decided her dad would take her.

The afternoon of the appointment I called home to ask about her diagnosis. What follows is an actual conversation that took place in a small open cubicle office environment.

“Hi, it’s mom. What did the doctor say?”

“Hi mom, he said I have syphilis.”

For a moment I was too stunned to speak……..then, “He said what?”

“I have syphilis”

“You do not!” I finally stutter.

“Well, the doctor said I did!” she argued.

“Mari, the doctor did not say you had syphilis,” I answered her, too shocked to realize everyone could hear me!

“Mom, why do you bother calling me and asking me questions if you aren’t going to believe me!!”

“Mari, you do not have syphilis!”

“Whatever, mom,” another long suffering sigh, “you know everything!”

At this point, I’m getting frustrated with her, with her dad for not calling me, just everything, and my voice starts to rise……

”Syphilis is a sexually transmitted disease, Mari, you do not have it!”

“Then why did the doctor say I did?!?!? I guess you even know more then him!!”

As I took a breath preparing to answer her and continue the argument, I realized there wasn’t a sound in the entire office. Every person was sitting at their desks staring at me, waiting to see who had syphilis!! The look on their faces was priceless.

“Mari, you do not have syphilis!”

I figured there was no going back with my reputation in the office, so I should at least find out why my daughter thought she had a sexually transmitted disease.

“Please don’t tell anyone else that you do until I get back with you.”

“OK, mom, whatever.” Click. I’m sure she was rolling her eyes as she hung up.

So I called the doctor’s office and spoke with the nurse. The nurse explained to me that although my daughter was only a few weeks past her 18th birthday, she couldn’t really tell me what the doctor diagnosed.

“Well, here is what I know”, I told her, “Mari just told me she has syphilis!”

For the next few seconds all I heard was the nurse laughing in the phone. Once she had caught her breath she got out one word...

”Scoliosis!” she said between giggles.

The whole bizarre episode managed to somewhat break the ice with my co-workers, but it took another day for someone to get past the wall of silence to ask me about it!!!

I Laughed
Author: The Idiot Aug 5, 2007
Views: 10408