The Best of Late Night...

"New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer stepped down yesterday. He apologized. I don't know what he apologized for. I think it's steroids."

-David Letterman

"He's going to be looking for job. And I'm thinking, isn't that what got him in trouble in the first place? What the Spitzers are saying is, they need some time alone. And I thought this was very nice: Sen. Larry Craig offered his vacation restroom on the lake."

-David Letterman

"The identity of New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer's prostitute has been revealed. When asked why she slept with New York's governor, she said, because New Jersey's governor is into guys."

-Conan O'Brien

"She's an R&B singer. She says her latest song is inspired by a guy. She didn't say what guy, but she did say a bald, creepy governor. She says she doesn't want to be thought of as a monster. She said unless of course, someone has $4,000 and they're into role playing.

-Conan O'Brien

"You probably know that The New York Times was able to find that hooker that Spitzer allegedly paid $1,000 an hour for. Her real name is Ashley Dupre, and her MySpace page says her first love is music. Her second love is having sex with governors for money."

-Jimmy Kimmel

"Earlier today, the governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, resigned. In his resignation speech he said, "To whom much has been given, much is expected." Which is the same thing he said to that $5,000-an-hour hooker."

-Jay Leno

"Gov. Eliot Spitzer resigned today. He left his resignation on the night table with a $300 tip. Four out of five New Yorkers wanted him to go. Of course, me and the writers wanted him to stay."

-David Letterman

"Because Eliot Spitzer is resigning as governor of New York, that means Hillary Clinton has lost another super delegate. On the bright side, Bill Clinton has gained a super wingman."

-Conan O'Brien

"That shows you how the whole world is backwards. I mean you've got Democrats, who are supposed to be poor, paying $5,000 an hour for sex, and you've got Republicans, who are supposed to be rich, cruising airport bathrooms trying to get it for free."

-Jay Leno

Top Ten Messages Left On Eliot Spitzer's Answering Machine

10. Hey, what's new?
9. It's Barack Obama. Remember our conversation about being my running mate? Never mind.
8. Ralph Nader here, glad to hear I'm not the only politician who has to pay for it
7. I'm calling from the New York Post. Would you rather be known as "Disgraced Gov. Perv," or "Humiliated Whore Fiend"?
6. This is John McCain, if it makes you feel better, I once got caught having sex with Lincoln's wife
5. It's Dr. Phil, call me if you need any horses advice
4. This is Sen. Larry Craig. Do you ever go through the Minneapolis airport?
3. It's Wolf Blitzer. Call me if you ever want a hot Spitzer-Blitzer three-way
2. Paris Hilton here. I would have done it for free
1. It's Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thanks, I'm no longer America's creepiest governor

-David Letterman

Laughs
704
I Laughed
Author: The Idiot Apr 16, 2008
Views: 25640