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The Best of Late Night...
"Yesterday, presidential candidate Mike Huckabee said that he won’t stay in the race beyond reason. Then Huckabee announced he’s dropping out six weeks ago."
-Conan O'Brien
"Katie Holmes may be pregnant! That’s the scuttlebutt around Hollywood. Tom Cruise says he wants a boy. He doesn’t care what sex the baby is . . . he really wants a boy."
-Craig Ferguson
"In a press conference today, President Bush announced that America is not headed into a recession. Especially if you own an oil company. It will be great for you."
-Jay Leno
"Los Angeles’ tap water was voted the tastiest in the United States. Fine. I like New York City tap water. I like that you can blow the head off it."
-David Letterman
"Happy Leap Year! When President Bush heard that he said 'Remember to turn your clocks ahead one year people!'"
-Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton won do-or-die primaries in Ohio, Rhode Island, and Texas. A lot of people thought she would be done today; this would be it. But like Bill always says, 'Hillary does not go down without a fight.'"
-Jimmy Kimmel
"Everyone’s trying to figure out what happened at the primaries. Here it is: Barack Obama had the most delegates; Hillary Clinton had the most superdelegates; and John McCain had the most problem going to the bathroom."
-Craig Ferguson