The Best of Late Night

"Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich says that he once had an encounter with a UFO. Apparently, several weird looking, little men got off the ship, saw Kucinich, and said, 'It's alright. He's one of us.'"

-Conan O'Brien

"In response to the fires out here in CA, FEMA had a phony press conference and they had FEMA members posing as reporters asking them easy questions. They had no reporters there, just FEMA members. As opposed to a disaster where it's all reporters and no FEMA members."

-Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney had an awkward moment tonight at the White House Halloween party. He went dressed as Darth Vader and at the party, he ran into the real Darth Vader who was dressed as Dick Cheney."

-Jay Leno

"It’s Halloween, so this morning on the “Today” show, Matt Lauer dressed up as Hermann Munster and Al Roker dressed up as a scary vampire. Not only that — Larry King went on his show without makeup."

-Conan O'Brien

"Happy Halloween! Halloween is a time when people wear crazy outfits, scary makeup, and they do Satan’s bidding . . . as we call it here in L.A., Wednesday."

-Craig Ferguson

"Happy Halloween, everyone. This is the day we teach our children, “Go ahead, take candy from strangers.”"

-Jay Leno

"Britney Spears did a call-in to Ryan Seacrest’s radio show this morning. Half-way through the interview, she was suddenly gone. Ryan asked her a question and there was no response. Her assistant said she went to take a shower. At least she’s showering, we know that. They called her back a little while later, and she didn’t say much, but she did talk about her Halloween costume. She had a good idea. She’s going to go wearing panties. So she will be totally unrecognizable."

-Jimmy Kimmel

"On Halloween, teenagers are known to play pranks. They throw eggs at people’s houses . . . I’ve never understood that. In Los Angeles, they don’t throw eggs. They only throw egg whites. Throwing the whole egg would cause a riot in this town. Is that the yolk!?! You saboteurs! It’ll go straight to my hips!"

-Craig Ferguson

"As part of a promotion Taco Bell did during the World Series, everybody in America will receive a free taco. Experts say it’s a good move for Taco Bell, and an even better one for Charmin toilet paper."

-Conan O'Brien

"Last night during the World Series, New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez announced he is opting out of his contract. There’s a rumor he may go to the Mets. After hearing this, the Mets said, “We don’t need A-Rod’s help; we already know how to choke.”"

-Conan O'Brien

Laughs
515
I Laughed
Author: The Idiot Jan 29, 2008
Views: 4909