The Best of Late Night

"A lot of people are now calling Sen. Larry Craig a hypocrite, because he was a very vocal opponent of same sex marriages. He was against same sex marriages. But to be fair, he has never publicly come out against anonymous gay bathroom sex."

-Jay Leno

"This has to be embarrassing for Republicans. All these gay scandals and they still can’t get any support from Hollywood."

-Jay Leno

"The police report says he tapped his foot, which means 'I want gay sex.' And, also means I'll never wear my iPod to the bathroom again."

-Jimmy Kimmel

"The way I look at it, anyone who spends more than two minutes in an airport men's room is guilty of something."

-David Letterman

"Alberto Gonzales is stepping down, but he can't recall why."

-David Letterman

"Earlier today, after months of scandals and political pressure, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales announced he's going to resign. Gonzales said, 'There comes a time when a man should resign, and that time for me was last January.'"

-Conan O'Brien

Nicole Richie went to jail for her DUI conviction this weekend, but she only had to spend 82 minutes in prison. This is due to California's new “minute-per-pound” rule.

-Conan O'Brien

Good news: The Paris Hilton sex tape is being re-released with an hour of previously unseen footage. Fans say thanks to the extra hour, the plot finally makes sense.

-Conan O'Brien

"I guess it's no wonder that a poll out this summer put 'None of the Above' over all of the other Republican candidates. And if 'None of the Above' does get the Republican nomination, you know two things will happen: a) the Democrats will find a way to lose to him, and b) Bush will try to call and congratulate him."

-Bill Maher

"One of the president's daughters, the lovely Jenna Bush, is getting married. Now they're thinking, if they can just marry off Condoleezza Rice. Yea, it looks pretty good that Jenna's getting married, but first the guy has to be confirmed by Congress. ... It's going to be an expensive wedding. I guess it's no surprise, the $3 billion contract went to Halliburton."

-David Letterman

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Author: The Idiot Jan 16, 2008
Views: 8213